Absent from Blogging

I haven't been blogging much lately, because I don't want my blog to turn into the most depressing blog in the world. 

Here are the reasons why I am removed from blogging:

• Dad has now been in the hospital 3 times since the beginning of June
• How he is doing changes hourly.  It's the most nerve-wracking thing in the world
• Radiation and Chemo are absolutely kicking his ass
• He weights around 130 lbs now...at 6'
• I got sick on Sunday and consequently haven't been able to see my family since then.  I would never forgive myself if I got my dad sick(er) and my mom could not handle being sick and caring for him
• My world revolves around my dad's illness...my thoughts, my actions, my dreams.  I've never been so terrified in my life, and I've had a really hard time finding the positive in this situation

Here are a couple good things this week:

• My dad's radiation oncologist said that his tumor is shrinking.  He also gained 3 lbs this week.
• They have been giving him IV fluids a lot, and he has been feeling better
• As a result, I experienced my first positive emotion in over a month
• For the first time, my subconscious dreamed of getting the news that the cancer is all gone.
• I have rainbow chip frosting in my fridge...which I will now go eat a couple spoonfuls of

 BTW, I still am adamant that he will beat this thing and live.  There is no alternative.  I just have to keep telling myself that.